whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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