you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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