dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
