this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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