If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
