I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
