It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The power of my boobs compel you
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
