I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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