just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
