Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
