Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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