I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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