It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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