I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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