Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
