theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
