i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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