Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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