I'm drive I can fine osifer
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
