You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
