hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
