She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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