I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
