Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
