Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
