He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i out mim tonsoeep
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