I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
