Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
