I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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