I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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