I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She even gives head with a lisp.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
