remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
