There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
