I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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