I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
