he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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