I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend