Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU