so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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