hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
