3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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