yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
