oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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