no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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