Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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