I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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