I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
