Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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