Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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