Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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