I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
