To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
