Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
so much tequila, so little girl.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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