Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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