How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
