you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
