Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
