dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
