My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
