I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
